Ex-Husband's Regret

Ava

“I still don’t understand why I have to go. Why can’t I just stay here with you?” Noah complains. A frown marring his handsome face.

He’s been sore about this whole thing since I told him that he’ll be leaving with his grandparents. At first he was excited about it but then he became saddened when he realized that neither I nor his father would be joining him.

His school had been understanding of our situation His teacher even agreed to send lessons to mother so that he isn’t left too behind.

“I already told you baby, this is a grandparents–grandson kind of vacation…it’s just for you and you grandparents.”

After talking to the chief he assured me that they’ll be sent somewhere tropical.

“You’re going to a beach. Haven’t you been begging us to take you for a vacation?” I add with a mischievous smile.

The word ‘beach‘ immediately catches his attention. All the complaints he had, now lost.

Noah is obsessed with the ocean. He loves beaches so much that he once cried for a whole week after we returned from a vacation in the Maldives. He’d wanted us to move there. When we refused he’d pleaded for us to just leave him there.

I smile at the memory. So grateful for the happiness and joy Noah has filled my life with.

“You’re not lying to me are you?” he asks, pulling me back from my thoughts.

“Would I ever lie to you?”

“No” his frown turns into a full blown smile. His grey eyes shining in happiness. “I guess it’s okay then. I’m not mad at you anymore” 

“Why were you mad at me?” I ask.

“Because you refused to come with me, but it’s okay now. You can always join us later”

I wanted to tell him I won’t be joining him but I stop myself. I wasn’t going to risk him going back.  to being sad and moody again.

“Now, come one let’s go or we’ll be late” I take my handbag and sling it over my uninjured shoulder

While I grab his small suitcase, he grabs his duffel bag and rushes downstairs Carefully, I bring.

I was just about to order an Uber when my door bell rings. I rush to open before Noah can. He has a tendency to open the door without first asking who is on the other side. No matter how many times I caution him. No matter how many times I tell him to ask first and not to open if the person on the other side doesn’t answer or he doesn’t recognize his or her voice. He just never listens.

Opening the door, I groan when I see who is on the other side.

Why did it seem like that the moment I decide to get over Rowan is when he seems to be everywhere I turn?

“Dad!” Noah rushes past me and throws himself on his father.

“Hey buddy” Rowan greets him then hugs him close.

He sniffs him. Breathing his scent in. I once asked him why he does that and he told me Noah’s scent just calms him. Like how fragrances calm other people down.

He puts him down and faces me. Noah rushes back to the living room. His excitement making him hyper.

“What are you doing here?” seems like I’ve been asking him this question a lot in the past few days.

He shrugs his shoulder.

“I’m here to take you to the airport” he says as he gestures to my injured arm as a way of explanation

I stare at him. Like always, his face gives nothing away. I now understand that he is like that when it comes to me. I’m the only one he looks at coolly. Even with his business partners, he manages to give them a sort of friendly gaze.

“There’s no need for that. I’ve already called for an Uber”

It was lie. The last thing I wanted was to be stuck with him in a moving car for whatever long it would take us to get to the airport.

“Cancel it” he commands. His cold voice sending shivers down my spine.

Sometimes I look at Rowan and just wonder why I fell for him. He is cold, arrogant and a jerk especially towards me. I should have ran for the hills screaming when I first started to have feelings for him instead doing everything in my power to make him notice me

“Not gonna happen asshole… Now leave, I’ll meet you at the airport” I whisper yell.

Who the hell did he think he was coming to my house and throwing out commands? This was my domain. I won’t allow him to rule here.

He steps into my space so we’re chest to chest. His eyes flash and his nostrils flare, I stand my ground. Refusing to let him intimidate me.

“I’m not leaving. Now cancel that F***ing order and get your ass into my car” he growls through clench teeth. A storm brewing behind his stormy eyes. 

My temper begins to rise and I clench my fist. Usually I would push it down because I didn’t want to anger him but I no longer give a F***.

“You arrogant son of bitch…who the hell do you think you’re, hmm? I’m not some F***ing puppy you think you can F***ing command” my voice was starting to rise. I was so F***ing pissed.

For years I let him dictate me. For years I kept my mouth shut because I didn’t want to fracture. what I thought we had. But what did it bring me? What did pushing down and containing who I am give? Nothing. It gave me nothing but pain and heartache. 1

“Ava…” he says in a warning tone.

“Are you two fighting again?” Noah’s voice cuts through the tense atmosphere.

I turn around to find him looking at us sadly. Damn it! I hate Noah seeing this side of us. He shouldn’t deal with us fighting all the time.

“No we aren’t. We just can’t agree on something” I side eye Rowan. “Right?”

Just like me, the anger and coldness on his face has disappeared. Just like me, he would do anything for Noah. Including tolerating my presence.

“Sure, your mom wanted to go with an Uber’since she can’t drive but I wanted to drive you two.” He says with a lazy smile.

“Why can’t we just go with dad, mommy?”

I take a deep breath and cast my eyes heavenward. Damn him for throwing me under the bus. I look at my son and he looks at me so expectantly.

I sigh in defeat. “Alright, fine” I grumble.

The things I do for love.

“Yay!” Noah screams and rushes back to the leaving room before coming back with his duffel

“Wait here” I tell Rowan and then leave to get Noah’s suitcase and my handbag.

I tidy the living room a bit and then pick things up. I give the room one last glance to make sure everything was in place before turning around.

Bumping into a hard a chest, my handbag falls from my hand. Rowan wraps an arm around me and steadies me before I can fall. I jump away from him and quickly put some distance between

“I told you to wait at the foyer” I glare at him

“I don’t like to be told what to do you know this” he glares back.

“Let’s just go”

I move to take my handbag but he grabs it before I can. Then he picks Noah’s abandoned suitcase, turns around and leaves I watch him wondering what has gotten into him. Not once has he helped me before. He was acting strangely and I didn’t like it.

By the time I get my feet moving and lock the door, Rowan and Noah were already seated in the car. Reluctantly, I approach the car and get in

Ten minutes into the drive and the atmosphere is awkward. Noah was busy on his tablet watching. some cartoon. Once he’s focused on something it’s hard to get his attention. Another ten minutes in and I was going crazy. I’m almost tempted to throw myself out of the moving car just to escape. the tense atmosphere.

I move my hands to turn on the radio but Rowan stops me when he speaks.

“How’s the arm?” he asks His eyes were on the road but he looked at me briefly when he asked. the question

I’m the only one who finds it S**y when a man does the one arm driving? Shaking those thoughts from my mind I focus my eyes forward.

“Fine”

“Can you give me more than just a one word answer?” he asks through clenched teeth.

“Why should I? You’ve never been interested in anything I’ve said before. In fact you would go to great lengths to tune me out” I say as a matter of fact. “So why are you all of a sudden interested in what I have to say?”

He doesn’t say anything. He knows that I’m right. The familiar pain threatens to rise up but I push it back down. I’m set on healing from those past hurts and it starts by forgetting about it and about the man sitting beside me.

I look out the window. Praying that we would just get where we are going quickly.

“Your mother was asking for you, haven’t you spoken to her of late?”

I groan in annoyance. “You’re awfully chatty and it’s getting on my nerve Rowan. Can you just ignore me and pretend like I don’t exist like you usually do?”

His grip on the steering wheel tightens. I see his jaw clench. He was getting pissed. Probably because I wasn’t acting like the meek lamb he was used to. The tables had turned and he didn’t.

I used to break my back trying to make him happy. Trying to be what he wants. Trying to be like Emma. I did everything I could to be the wife he could fall in love with. Now I had shed that skin and he didn’t like that I wasn’t falling at his feet like a dog. I smile at that Pissing him off eased. something inside me.

From there the drive is quiet. Both of us brooding in our seats while Noah laughs and follows his cartoons. An hour later we arrive at the airport. I hold Noah’s hand as Rowan get his bags from the trunk

“I’m so excited to see the ocean” Noah says bouncing up and down in frantic energy.

“Then let’s get going…we wouldn’t want to keep you waiting” Rowan playfully tells him.

Taking my good arm, Noah drags me towards his grandparents. There were cops present I knew some of them.

When we get to them, Noah greets everyone but I don’t. There wasn’t any need playing nice with people who obviously hate me.

Rowan get the bags and then walks to us. He hands them over to one of the officers before going to stand next to Emma, Travis and Gabe. He greets his two bestfriends before turning to Emma. Right before my eyes he wraps an arm around her and brings her close before k*ssing forehead.

I ignore that. Refusing to acknowledge the disrespect or the pain I felt. Like is it a must he rubs his relationship in my face? Couldn’t he have the decency to wait until our son was on the plane.

“Five minutes before we leave” A man I’m guessing is the pilot says.

Everyone is giving me strange looks. I bet they’d expected that I would fall at their feet like 1 usually did That I would beg for a scrap of their affection Instead here I was ignoring all of them like they didn’t exist.

I watch as Noah says goodbye to Rowan, Travis and Gabe Is it weird that I felt happiness when Noah totally ignored Emma?

“Noah, say goodbye to Emma” Rowan commands with a bit of irritation in his voice.

“I don’t know her, so why should I say goodbye to her?” he asks with a shrug leaving everyone staring at him in shockContentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

Before Rowan can say anything else, Noah runs to me His b*dy colliding with mine as he hugs.

“I’m going to miss you so much my love” 1 tell him, tears filling my eyes s

“I’ll miss you too mommy, promise you will call me every day?”

“I promise

The pilot calls out again and an officer comes to take Noah.

“Bye Mommy, see you soon”

“See you soon”

I watch as the officer gets into the plane with Noah. Mother finishes saying goodbye to the others. and comes to me 1

“Please don’t” I stop her when she goes to hug me.

I don’t remember her ever hugging me, so I didn’t understand why she wanted to do so now

She steps back and looks at me. Tears swimming in her eyes. I turn away not wanting to see them I wasn’t going to fool myself into believing that she cared for me or loved me. Years have proven that she didn’t

“Take care of yourself Ava, and don’t worry we’ll look after Noah” she finally says.

I just nod at her. When I don’t say anything else she turns and walks towards the plane where

Rowan’s parents had already boarded.

A few seconds later I watch as the plane carrying my son takes off Once it’s off the runway, I turn and leave. My heart feels heavy but I know this is the best decision for Noah.

Just as I get outside the airport, my phone rings with Rowan’s name flashing I reject it and hail a cab When he continues calling, I switch off my phone completely and head home, where i'll be alone for an unforeseen time.