BREAKING POINT

“Audrey, do you really think Joey is in love with me?” Penny asked suddenly, distressed by her own thoughts. “I mean, might it not be… Well, force of circumstances? After all, I was practically the first girl he met when he came back from abroad”

“That would be so if I didn’t know my brother so well. But you are everything he ever dreamed about. Penny, he told me so himself. I think that if he had met some girl first, he would still have waited till you came along”

Penny bit her lip.

“Audrey, do you think i should just go away?” she asked on an impulse. “While I am here things will remain as they are. If I weren’t here, he might forget about me and look around for someone else”

“I doubt it, Penny. Honestly, if I thought it would help, I would say so. But Joey isn’t the type to forget easily… If at all. He would be utterly miserable if you went away now. He would worry himself sick about you. Now you should stop worrying dear, and keep on being good friends with him. He’s happy enough. Infact he only said last night, after you’d gone to bed, that he’d never been so happy to care about anyone like this before. He likes having you around”

“I have so little to give him” Penny broke out. “He deserves so much more than half measures, Audrey. It makes me feel dreadful every time I think about it”ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

“You give Joey a great deal more than you imagine. I have never known him to talk so much to anyone before… Even myself. This is the first time he he has found someone who listens to him with real understanding. He unburdens himself to you… Shares things with you. He tells you about his work and you encourage him. You give him confidence just because of your own complete confidence in him. That is a great deal Penny. The things you can’t give him…. The physical things are unimportant by comparison. You are really fond of him, aren’t you? ”

” Yes, very “Penny said with sincerity.” it’s marvelous of him… And you… To let me intrude like this on your lives and in your home”

“Then in your own way you love Joey. It’s only a degree further of being in love. And that’s the one thing you deny him. No one has everything, Penny, at least… Not for ever”

Penny knew she was thinking of her own short love life with Alex, but before she could speak, Audrey went on calmly :

“After the newness of marriage has worn off, it is companionship that counts… The friendship that lasts. All the things you can give Joey are everlasting, Penny. Don’t take them from him darling”

Comforted but not entirely convinced, Penny gave most of her time and attention to Joey, trying to make up for him in this way for the ways in which she must disappoint him. Subsequently with everyday that passed, they understood one another a little better, their friendship deepened, their affection for each other increased.

But in Penny’s mind, there was a dividing line between this fondness for Joey and her mad love for Jeremy. Whatever she felt for Joey in no ways distracted from that other blind adoration. Jeremy held her heart in his hands. She was still his in mind, body and soul. Her waking thoughts were of him, her last moments of consciousness before she fell asleep each night were drowned in memories of him and of those wonderful days and nights when they were together.

As the child grew, Penny began to think of it as a human being. It comforted her in her moments of loneliness to remember that she carried part of Jeremy inside her and that no matter what the future might bring, she could never lose him entirely. But although he did not call and text as frequently as she did to him, his texts and calls were always affectionate, and her fears that he might not come back to her were slowly disappearing. The more she grew to want the child, the more she felt that Jeremy must eventually want it too. She was almost glad that she had not told him about it before he went abroad. Now she could get over the ugly part without him seeing her and afterwards when she was slim and beautiful again, she would show him the baby. He would be amazed, perhaps upset at first. Then he would be crazy about it. His child. He would definitely be happy that he had a child.

Elaborating this theme in the ensuing weeks, Penny decided that she would not let Jeremy see her until after the baby was born. She would put him off for those last two months… Say she was ill or something like that and he didn’t have to come to see her. She felt more and more certain that if Jeremy were presented with the baby, he would accept it, but if she told him now after waiting this long he would mentally repudiate it and be angry with her for not getting rid of it.

Audrey’s remark when she told her this came like a dash of cold water.

“What about the wedding Penny? Don’t you want to get married anymore. You were once so bothered about the child being illegitimate. Don’t you care about that anymore?”  Audrey asked.

“I’d honestly forgotten that” Penny said in a low voice. “I have just been so happy down here that somehow I felt like I was married, that my only problem was being sure that Jeremy would be pleased at having a son or a daughter”

“Well, I’m glad you have been feeling so happy. But I really think you should put the baby first. The day might come when he or she would blame you and Jeremy for waiting. Give him a chance. If he intends to marry you, it might just as well be before the child is born. If not, then the sooner you know the better. If he does walk out on you and I don’t think that he will, then you can put your mind to rest about this whole thing and face your future. Who knows, maybe things might then work out for you and Joey”

“No don’t talk about that please” Penny broke in. “I don’t want to think there’s a possibility that Jeremy won’t want to marry me”