Unforgiven Sins

BenChua’s POV

I am now staying in our mansion for a few days ago left. It’s refreshing to be back here but supposedly I’m just missing something, I mean I miss someone. I can’t understand myself. I’m not like this before, but all I know is that every time I don’t see her, I miss her a lot- every single day I guess every second. I don’t know if she’s okay or what.

I became busy with our company and when we meet in the office, I cannot talk to her because she was often busy or sometimes ignore me. To be honest, I missed the time when I was with her when we are in the same house.

“Good morning, sir! Your breakfast is ready,” said one of our maids.

“Thanks! I will follow.” I smiled and then she left as well. I just hope I can eat properly later because I heard that my mom is with her new boyfriend. I’m not against who she wants to love. I don’t know if he really loves my mom or just chasing her for the sake of our money. I know it, we are rich because we have in a Chinese race and we are good when it comes to business. Like my dad, oh no! I and my mommy, only!

I am still angry with him even when he died, I am still mad at him because he used us and he hurt us after all.

I choose to fix myself and I need to see Cinyla right now. I need to hug her and she gonna pay for everything especially those times that she treats me so bad.

I went downstairs and went straight to our kitchen. Our maids bow down to greet me because they see me. Our maids did this every time they greeted us. It’s nice that even though I’ve been gone for a long time, they haven’t lost their respect for me.

I was about to sit down but a man was sitting on the left side where my favorite seat was.

“Who are you?!”

“Hi! I am Mark!” he answered and gives me a warm smile.This is from NôvelDrama.Org.

“Okay but wait… Why are you here? Ma’am Jelah, why there is a man here?” Then my mom come immediately and smiled at us. I thought she would go straight to me to hug me, but suddenly approached this man and wrapped her arm around his arm.

“Good morning, son! This is Mark, he is my boyfriend!” she said proudly. I see her excitement when she introduces to me this f*cking man!

D*mn! What kind of taste she has!

“W-what?” I asked in surprise because for the first time the one that she loved is so young now. Since daddy, died, he has been mourning for almost a year, so when she fall in love, I can’t imagine that this young man will get her heart. I want her to be happy but this time, I don’t think so. I’m not sure because it just looks like it’s unlikely to be trusted.

“Let’s eat!” she said happily and get some bread in my front.

“Babe, sit beside me because on the left side is the place where my son sits,” she explained. Even though she cut my reactions, I am not fine with her new boyfriend. I will disagree with their idiot relationship.

I try to calm down because I will go to the house of my beloved Cinyla. So I did nothing but let them do what they want. I was starving too and I need strength later.

I just ignored them even though I was disgusted with what my mom was doing. I didn’t even scar her wants.

“Son? How are you? You won’t even talk to me?”I stopped drinking my coffee and looked at her seriously. “I’m fine. Just focus on him. Anyway, I’m done. I’m going to the office.” I said seriously and stand up and I never look back to hear her next words for me.

“I understand BenChua, but later I will talk to you. It’s not right for you to be rude in front of your future dad.”

I turned around and looked badly at the man who are now smiling. “W-what? Why I am? A rude?! Oh mom, what did you say he will be my future dad? Why? If you don’t even think about how I feel, then I’m still wrong. I won’t go to your wedding if you have a plan.”

“Just be wise, mommy. Think about your decisions first and I hope you know this man! ” At the same time, I am now pointed to the man who was just sitting quietly next to her. My mom stand up and slap my left face.

“How dare you tell all of that in my front, huh ?! You become selfish and unprofessional! Where is your manner future CEO of my company, and you don’t even respect me anymore, huh? I am still your mom. If you don’t go to my wedding, please, just give me respect. ”

I was now holding my left cheek where there I felt pain because of her slap. I just smiled and left. I didn’t even listen to what she would say next.

Damn! Those f*cking love actions!

I go outside and drive my car. I can’t understand my mommy’s mind right now. She was too quick to plan and they already planning for their wedding right away. I will accept it if I already know her man, but no. I don’t trust him so much and not the one younger than me.

I was driving straight and I calm down when I see that there was no traffic today. Until I noticed that I was on my way to Cinyla’s house. I don’t even know if she’s still here because she is early to go to our office.

I missed her so much.

She is my happy pill my lucky girl and I can say she is different. Is it true that I already love her? I am currently outside of their gate. I still remember the first time we met. She is wearing simple pajamas at that time, she is really funny because even if she’s too haggard, she’s still beautiful. She is rare- a goddess.

I looked out the front of my car window and I see my cheek that now become like a tomato. W-wait, I was blushing? No! This is the mark on my mom’s hand. D*mn! This is how she will meet me. Annoying!

I just got out of my car and fix myself, then I take a deep breath and doorbell as well.

I waited for a while until someone opened it. Her hair is shallow caramel with a clear black eye. She has a perfect smile.

“Hi! Who are they?” she asked which makes me wonder why there is another woman there.

“Bestie, who’s at the gate?” someone shouted and her voice is familiar.

Until she came out and I see Cinyla who was now prepared. I don’t waste any time, I come closer to her and give her my immediately warm hug. Damn! This woman had been bothering me for a lot of days.

“Hey! Stop hugging my best friend!” said the unknown woman who opened the gate for me then she constantly slap my arm now.

“Ouch! S-stop!

“Omg bestie! Enough! Hey, e-enough. H-he is my boss. Alpha, calm down.” Her best friend stopped slapping me. I was almost paralyzed because apart from the cheek that I got slapped early, now my right arm was also bruised.

“Damn! Who are you to punch my right arm?!”

Cinyla help me and explained, “I’m sorry sir, she’s my best friend and her named is Alpha. She is a good friend and sort of being so protective bestie.” she explained while a little bit laughing.

Alpha looked at me shameless as Cinyla said and it gives a signed peace with me. “Sorry sir!” she said innocently and bow for forgiveness.

“I’m sorry because I don’t know you and why are you hugging him right away? Oh wait, tell me bestie do you have a relationship, huh? Wait, are you now in a relationship?! I almost laughed at her reaction. She did not know that there was something with us already.

“Bestie! You know, just help my mom inside. Sir and I are going to the office right now.” She changed their conversation, which makes me sad because I wait for her response but nothing.

“Oh, sorry! You may go and take care. Sir, kindly take care of her huh? Wait, what’s your name? Anyway, I will wait for your tea, bestie! Goodbye! I’m going to go inside to help auntie.” She says goodbye and kissed Cinyla on her cheek.

I wanted to kiss her too but she stopped me immediately. “Are you my best friend sir and you can imitate me and kiss me?”

“Just one, can I?”

“No, sir! Besides, I’m just your employee and you’re your boss and our status has a big difference,” she explained which makes me weak.

I choose to be silent, I noticed that when she found out that I was the CEO of Spyanata Incorporation, she change a lot even her treatment of me. I can’t understand her mood swings even though her attitude changed also.

“I understand. I am sorry. Come with me, let’s go together to the office.” I said seriously and I choose to fix myself in front of her. I just erased the excitement in my mind.

She nodded and get in my car, then I followed.

While she was wearing the seatbelt I started the car as well. Silence ensued between the two of us. I also lost my appetite to talk more. Because for her I’m just his boss and have a limitation.

I hope she loves me too.

“Sir BenChua? Are you all right? Because you’re quiet, did I say something wrong before?” she asked.

But I just calm down and kept driving. After a while, I also answered. “Nothing.”

I choose to keep quiet rather than tease her and to be noticed. Maybe I’m just like this for her he’s a normal acquaintance and trying to rewind.

“Hey, sir! Is there any problem?” Cinyla asked again. I choose to stop the car because of what she said.

“W-why did you stop?” she said.

My whole face became serious and when I face her, I come closer to her side and hug her tightly. “S-sir,” she whispered.

“Please, let me do this for a minute. I just need you. Stop being innocent! I haven’t seen you and been with you for a few days, then you ignore me.” I explained like a child.

Cinyla parted my hair and there I feel peace, what she did was simple but the force of the impact. I still hugging her in the same position and I just want to stay like this. I miss her so much!

“S-sorry… I thought you didn’t want me anymore sir, I mean, after all, that happened so I choose to stay away and just do my job.”

I am not okay to face her but I looked at her gentle face.

“I understand it. But you stay away and ignore me over and over again so that you stab me many times. I love you, I love you so much Cinyla. Please, come back your presence like before.”

I cringed and didn’t know what else to say. Is this how a person who loves for the first time should feel? Is this how I should experience the person I just loved too much but someone owns her heart?

“Let’s go! I’ll just take you to the office and I need to go somewhere, “I said and started the car again. I didn’t even look at her reaction and I don’t want to hear what she wants to explain.

I realized that loving someone hurts you so bad. But even though, I feel like this, I still love you, more. I want to love her even though I don’t know if she will love me back…

“Sir, BenChua …”

I didn’t look back but let her call my name. I will let her until she knows that I am hurt by what she did.

“I’m sorry, BenChua. Yes, I admit it. I want you but I’m scared, ” she explained. Until this is the reason for me to stop driving.

“W-what did you say?” I asked confusedly.

Cinyla looked at me seriously in my eyes and said, “Haven’t you heard it or do you want me to repeat it? All right, I’ll repeat. I want you, but … there are many, what-ifs, BenChua. ” After saying those she chooses to look outside, then I understand her point in for what she said.

My heart beat so fast like a horse riding, but despite the joy that feels right now, the pain seems to be there in the last thing she said.

What are her what-ifs?