All Novel XO
CHAPTER 41
Lucas’ POV
Darkness, darkness again. It feels like this darkness is erasing my sanity from my mind.
I keep asking myself, “Why?” Where did I go wrong? Why did she do this to me? Is this her idea of revenge? IT’S ALL SO MESSED UP!
The day Zara chose not to show up at our wedding, I felt like I was going to die from the pain. I thought she loved me. I thought everything was fine, but she chose to leave me, our son, and our life behind.
Does she want to teach me a lesson? Is this payback for what I did to her in the past? If so, she’s succeeded in devastating me.
I searched for her relentlessly, refusing to give up easily. But she remains elusive. There must be a reason behind her disappearance. Maybe she was kidnapped.
But then I received a letter. Antoinette, my ex-wife’s best friend, confirmed it was Zara’s handwriting, and its contents drove me almost crazy.
Dear Lucas,
Now you’ve tasted your medicine, right? You’re just wasting your time trying to find me. You can’t and will never see me again. Goodness! Well, you fell into my trap. Is Lucas feeling sick? Then you deserve it. After all the time we spent together, you never saw my worth, so I’ll tell you that you don’t deserve me either.
Take care of Enrique; take care of our son. I did my part, now it’s your turn… Or someday I will take him away from you. So, that’s all I wanted to say, Lucas. I hope you grow old. I hope you can finally forget me because my love for you was just a facade. I merely wanted to teach you a lesson.
At first, my brain couldn’t accept those words. I didn’t want to believe that she could say such cruel things. I hope she’ll show up and tell me all this to my face.
Everyone knows how devastated I am. Not just me, but also our child and her family. Even her parents have lost contact with her. I can’t imagine that if she was truly angry with me, she would have the heart to cut off ties with her parents too.
But the person most devastated by her revenge is our son. Enrique lost weight rapidly. He became aloof and stubborn. His behavior is getting harder to handle, and I often find myself raising my voice at him.
I can feel his heart drifting away from me. Enrique loves his mother more than he loves me. Sometimes, he blames me for why Zara left us.
The wound Zara inflicted on my life runs deep. For months, I felt like I was going crazy. I would often find myself lost in thoughts of why she did this. Does she truly mean everything she wrote in that letter?
I still believe that the girl who wrote those words is not the Zara I knew. I’m still holding on, even though it’s hard.
Three years have passed, but the wound from her departure still hasn’t healed. It’s been three years, and the pain still feels as raw as on the first day. It’s still an open wound that time cannot heal.
To try and forget the pain, I drown myself in work, burying myself in piles of tasks to distract myself. I seek solace in office work, avoiding any moment of weakness where I might break down and cry.
I know she’s the one I love. I never loved Giselle as much as I love Zara. I thought she was different from Giselle, but she still left me, seeking revenge. I hope she finds the satisfaction she desires.
I now realize that I’m working beyond my capacity. I almost forgot to take my lunch again if it weren’t for Mary reminding me.
Mary places a lunch box in front of me with a sincere smile. “Eat, boss. It’s not good to be hungry… It’s not good for our health. Nowadays, it’s hard to get sick.” I appreciate her concern, like that of an older sister.
“Thanks, Mary. I’m about to eat that,” I reply, while arranging the folders on my desk. There are still papers to sign and evaluate.
“That’s an old habit, Mr. Blackwood. We know that if I don’t remind you, you won’t eat your lunch,” she says.
I fall silent, feeling guilty. Yes, I lost my appetite three years ago. Everything tastes bland and lifeless. I can’t find joy in anything anymore.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. I just had my lunch. Don’t worry about me. I can manage,” I say as I open the lunch box. I notice Mary’s arms are crossed in front of her.
“I’m just reminding you, sir. Lucas, huh? You claimed to have moved on from that hunger, and yet here you are, resorting to that bad habit again. Sir, you’re not a robot, are you? I’m just trying to remind you,” she says sarcastically. I sigh.
“I know I’m not a robot. Sometimes, I wish I were one, so I wouldn’t feel this miserable. I wish I could just erase this pain easily.” I’m tired of talking about it.
“Sir,” she says sadly. “I can’t advise you on that. I’m not in your shoes, and I can’t truly understand the pain you’ve been through. But I believe that time will come, and your wounds will heal.”
“Maybe I just have to accept that this is my karma? I always get what’s coming to me, right? Maybe I was too foolish in the past, and I cheated on my wife. Perhaps I was such a jerk that she had to leave me.” That’s all I say.Copyright Nôv/el/Dra/ma.Org.
“Sir, you’ve changed. You’ve tried to recover. And I believe there’s a reason why all of this happened.” With that, Mary leaves my office.
I sink back into deep thought. I was delusional before, thinking that everything I did was enough for her to forgive me. But maybe her way of forgiving me is breaking me just as I broke her heart in our past.
I eat, even though I don’t really feel like it. I lost my appetite three years ago, and everything tastes bland and lifeless. It takes me a while to finish the small amount of food. I eat just for the sake of living for my son. Without Enrique, I would have given up on life a long time ago.
I’ve lost weight too. I’m still muscular, but not as much as before. I miss my old self. I miss the old Lucas. I wish I could turn back time and correct my mistakes.
After finishing work, I go home. I’m living with my mom and dad. I can’t bear going back to the house Zara and I shared. Being there feels like dying from the pain.
We built so many dreams together, but I’m the only one left now. She’s gone, and she’s discarded our dreams like trash.
But when I get home, it seems like my day is ruined even more. This woman just won’t leave me alone. She keeps pestering me, trying to get back together with us, even though we were doomed from the start.
“You’re home,” she says with a happy smile.
She’s wearing a revealing dress, and her straight hair is cut in an apple cut.
I walk past her, not even bothering to stop. I have a headache, and dealing with her is the last thing I need.
“Lucas, let’s talk. It’s been three years. I accept that you have a child. I will accept everything. I want us back, just like in our old relationship, okay? Why can’t you look at me the way you look at her? Zara is gone, and I can replace her in your life,” she pleads desperately.
“Did you even stop to ask if I could accept you? No matter if Zara is here or not, I can’t bring myself to love you again, Giselle. You can keep dreaming, but I will never be with you.”
She glares at me angrily. “Lucas! Wake up! I’m here too! I was here before that old Zara!”
I push her away as she attempts to kiss me. “Who let this madwoman in?” I shout, looking at our watching assistants. The young assistant approaches, looking scared and tearful.
“Sir,” he stammers, “I’m sorry.”
“Pack your things. I don’t want someone who doesn’t understand what I’m saying. My order is not to let a whore into my house!” The assistant leaves, crying.
Giselle is looking at me in disbelief.
“A whore?” she says in shock. “I’m just a bitch to you now?! Lucas! You loved me before!” she shouts.
“That’s it. I’m tired of arguing with you, Giselle. Just give up,” I say, and then I leave her. She’s already left, and I want nothing to do with her lunacy.