SORRY

Chapter 46. More Important Than My Happiness

Briana POV

I went to my desk to pull out three large books and handed them to Noah.

Without a word, he accepted them.

I watched while he opened the book at the top and was silent, seemingly engrossed

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“It’s the children’s baby book. From birth up to their birthday last year.” I informed

him.

He nodded absent–mindedly. His eyes never left the page as he scanned it.

It seemed like he was lost in what he was seeing and had forgotten about me, but I

didn’t mind.

It gave me a sense of satisfaction watching Noah as he let his eyes roam around the pages. Sometimes, he would caress a page with his finger, his eyes filling with

longing.

Every time he tums a page, an audible sigh escapes his lips. Other times, I could feel him smile wistfully.

“They look so wrinkly.” He commented.

He looked up from perusing the book to address me.

I stood over his shoulder to see what he was referring to.

It was the picture of the triplets a few minutes after birth.

I nodded. “Was it hard? Giving birth to the triplets?” He asked.

“The first two, Riley and Brixx, came out naturally. Mason, through cesarean section.” I informed him.

He nodded, looking away.

Then, I saw him wipe the corners of his eyes before looking back to ask.

“Do you have pictures of when you were pregnant? I wanted to see you.” He admitted shyly.

I shook my head. “That would be horrifying. You wouldn’t want to see me pregnant.”

I declined his request quickly.

I don’t want Noah to see me looking unsightly with my bulged stomach

Why not?

“Are you for real? I shot back, cringing Inst

He laughed. And for the first time, I saw a glimpse of the man I was so crazy in fee with before. The man whom I married.

“Seriously, I really want to see how you looked carrying the triplets.” He told me.

“No.” I insisted.

My brothers used to tease me about how I looked because I was so big, especially during my last trimester.

Moving around was very difficult at that time. I could not even put my shoes on because my feet were swollen, and I could not bend my body.

I don’t want to be reminded of that right now. It brings out too many memories.

“Did you have cravings?” Noah asked again,

“Not much. The children were well–behaved inside my womb.”

I did not realize it would be this difficult to go back to that particular time.

I could not tell him that I tried to suppress my cravings because it was his smell and presence that I craved most that time, but he was gone. He left for France with his first love.

Something pricks the corner of my eyes, and I press them with the tip of my finger. Then, I sighed.

I can’t do this. Recalling everything that had happened in the past opens up too many wounds.

It hurts.

“You can have the books. It’s for you.”

He looked stunned.

“I wanted you to have them. I made enough copies for the five of us as a remembrance.” I explained.

125 RICHNIS

Noah looked probingly at me.

“Why? I thought you hated me?” He asked when he was able to got his wits back.

“Because you are their father. I know keeping them from you was wrong, but I am sure you understand I am only trying to protect my children. You divorced me. You may not want my children.” I heard the bitterness in my voice and winced.

I think

you

should go,” I said, not wanting to divulge more in his presence.

Telling him these things right now was humiliating enough.

“I am not saying this to make you feel guilty or anything…” I blabbed, but Noah cut me off.

“If Marcus Ford was not in the picture. Are you willing to take another chance with me?” Noah said, looking straight into my eyes.

My heart has gone into overdrive.

Too many emotions had been swirling in my head.

I shook my head and saw the sparkle of light die in his eyes.

“This is not about us, Noah. We are talking like this because of the children. Do not think that there is more.” I told him with an unusual harshness in my voice.

I saw sadness in his eyes, but I could not offer him any comfort because I was busy comforting myself.

Noah’s words made me hope, and it was something I did not want at this point. To hope that there would ever be something connecting us aside from the children. “You have to understand that if we messed this up, it would not only be us that would suffer. Three children depend on us to do this co–parenting work.”

When Noah left the office with hunched shoulders, I felt a little guilty. Was I too harsh in nipping his hopes in the bud?

I talked to Hanna right after and asked her the same thing.

“No. You are only protecting the triplets.”

Inodded. “Yes. The children’s well–being is more important than my own happiness.”