Anger Control/Mind Games
Sofia’s POV
“You can’t defeat me, Sofia. I’ve dealt with warriors that are way stronger than you are, you don’t stand a chance Sofia. Let me in, I can make you stronger, I can give you everything you need to be a strong warrior, they will all fear you, Sofia. You will never be hurt by a measly wolf, not even the Alpha would stand in your way. Let me help you Sofia, stop fighting it… Let me in.” It said to me, sounding very convincing.
Its voice is so domineering, and it scares the shot out of me. I don’t want to give it a chance to catch up to me, I don’t ever want to be close to it again. The last time I saw it up close, it had taken the shape of a human, my mom. It’s tried so hard to convince me to accept my fate and stop fighting it, but I refused to believe its lies, I did not fall for its tricks.
Then it showed me its true powers, it took the image of everyone close to me, and it told me things I never knew about them, things they never wanted me to know. I got to know that my father never regretted his actions when he gave me to Damien. In fact, he had taken some extra money from Damien, and he took it back to the casino and gambled it away. He went back to his old habit, he never felt anything for me, he never loved me. And then there is my brother, he lied to me all my life. He has been the one hurting those bullies that tried to hurt me. And he never let me know. My mom also knows about it, she knows that Lucas now belongs to one of the mob bosses, and she knows about his drug abuse, but she never said anything to me. They all lied to me. Lies and deceit are truly regrettable, but I’m sure that they don’t regret their actions because they never knew that I would ever find out about all this.
Then there is Sonia and Tonia. They also lied to me. They knew about Damien and Stacy, they knew all along that Damien was screwing that bitch, but they never told me anything about it, they never said a word to me. They lied to me, they all lied to me, every single one of them. And that is exactly what the demon wolf is pointing out to me, it’s messing with my head, trying to get me to snap. The saddest thing about lies and deceit is that it often doesn’t come from our enemies or people we don’t know, but rather from those close to us. As you’d expect, this hurts. A lot. When we are deceived, the worst thing about it isn’t the lie itself, but what the lie brings with it.
You can imagine how I felt when the demon wolf took the form of my mate, Damien. It hurt to know that he had been lying to me and that he had deceived me. Yeah, I knew he lied to me about so many things, but as the demon wolf listed his flaws to me, I found out that I had let him off too easily. He kept hurting me over and over again, and I kept falling for his lies repeatedly. I’m such a gullible idiot, how could I keep falling for his lies this way, how on earth could I have fallen in love with that lying, two-timing bastard?
“No, it’s not you, Sofia. It’s the mate bond, it’s turning you into a fragile, weak wolf. But I can make you strong, I can give you everything you need to take revenge on everyone who has ever lied to you, I can make them fear you. Just… Let… Me… In…” it kept on urging me. He must have read my mind, and I’m guessing that when he takes the form of any of my friends, he somehow gains access to their memories. That is why he is tormenting me with these hateful memories that are trying to drive me insane. He knows how I feel about my family and friends, he knows how hurt I would be. When a feeling as important as trust is broken, something inside us dies, and that is exactly how I feel right now. The lie calls thousands of truths into question, making me doubt even the experiences that I thought were the most honest. Like the good times, we spent together and the amazing way I feel when I’m around him. I can’t believe that I loved him, he is so full of lies and deceit, they all are. I guess they all forgot that lies and deceit always have an expiration date because it takes a lot to maintain them. This ends up turning into a spiral of enormous proportions that the liar can’t manage. And as it turns out, their lies just got exposed by a demon wolf. Once the lie leaves their mouth, they lose control of it. As they say, you catch a liar before you catch a cripple.
But the thing is, even though it’s very difficult for a lie to be sustained over time, it’s very common for us to remain deceived. When I say many of us, I mean me. There may be many signs, no, I mean, they were many signs, I saw all the signs, but my emotional bonds with these people probably blinded me or made me stupid. It’s so damn difficult to overcome deceit once it’s been discovered because deceit houses within itself the ability to completely destroy our world. It completely shattered my world. And it’s making me angry, so angry. That is exactly what the demon wolf wants. He wants to push me over the edge, he wants me to kill them all. And the fact that this is all happening because of their lies and deceit is making me so furious.
I think I’ve lost everything, even my sense of direction, my moral compass. You could say that the demon wolf is getting exactly what he wants because I don’t understand why I feel so distraught and confused. It’s not supposed to be this surprising, I mean, I knew all these things before now, at least most of them. But hearing them from him again is just beginning to affect me in a very bad way, I don’t even know where to put my feelings, I have no idea what to do anymore and I feel extremely stupid.
You have no idea what it is like to feel this way. I feel used, and stupid. It feels like I’m barefoot, naked, and that is simply ridiculous. It could almost feel like my entire life is crumbling right in front of me, and now I have to start at zero, I have to start from the very beginning, rebuilding the walls around my heart, backtracking over a very difficult path, and sealing of the cracks that seem to have sprung forth from nowhere. Their lies left behind fatal wounds, and I thought they were going to heal. No, it was already past the healing process, I have healed already and I have forgotten all about it, but the demon wolf would never let that happen. It is opening up all my old wounds, and now I have to revive myself from all this crazy nightmare, and it hurts because I don’t know how to get past this, I don’t think I can ever move on with my life like I always wanted to.
I had it all planned out, I wanted to have a happy ending, I dreamed of a happily ever after with my mate, Damien. But those dreams would never be realized because this demon wolf would make me kill Damien and everyone else that I care about. He is trying to get me angry, and he is winning. Yeah, I’m angry, I’m so damn angry. With the passing of time, the anger and powerlessness that I’m feeling at first will likely turn into a certain sadness for everything that vanished, broke, or withered. It’s in these moments that you can start to heal your wounds. That is if I would ever get to this moment because the demon wolf would never let me have a moment of peace, it would never let me go. Once I let it in, that is it, it will never set me free, I would be a prisoner in my own body, I would have no control, none whatsoever.
Overcoming all this takes time, but time is something that I do not have. I have run out of time, my wolf is weak and hurt, and my strength is failing me. I need food, I need water, and I’m so cold, so fucking cold. Yet I kept running, I kept trying to buy more time for myself, and I kept trying to escape this impending doom. I don’t even know how I’m able to continue running, I have no idea how I’m still standing on my own two feet. It seems like there is a stronger force helping me to escape this demon, it seems like I am getting help from someone or something, but I have no idea who or what it might be. I just hope that I don’t let that demon wolf in, it’s winning, it’s gaining in on me, it’s getting closer. The more angrier I get, the closer it comes to claiming me. I can turn the tables around, I know I can, but I do t think it is possible because I am not in the right frame of mind. If I want to win this, I will have to forgive myself and stop torturing myself over what I think I could have avoided. In this way, I’ll be able to make peace with the world and learn to trust again, and I’ll be able to get rid of this anger that is threatening to ruin my life and destroy my family. I need to learn to value loyalty as much as you devalue betrayal. I don’t need to blame anyone for this, I can’t blame them and I certainly won’t blame myself. I need to Forgive them all. Do you know why?
Well, it’s simply because experiencing deceit offers a great opportunity to grow and teaches us to pick better people to have a place in our lives. I have been hurt severally by the people closest to me, by the people that I call my family and friend. And now I’m angry because I would not be able to move on with my life, and I may never trust again because I keep thinking that everyone is the same. That is what Damien and my family have done to me. They have made me an easy prey to the manipulation of the demon wolf, but I can do this. I can win. I just need to keep running, and while I’m running away from it, I need to keep chanting these nice words of encouragement and wisdom. I need to keep saying these nice words. That is the only way that I can keep the demon wolf out of my head.
“Oh, really?Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.
Do you think that is going to do you any good?
Well, you are terribly mistaken. Keeping me out of your head won’t change the fact that you are surrounded by liars and traitors. They will keep lying to you for as long as you remain a weak wolf. They would never accept you as their Luna, they will never treat you like they treated Stacy because Stacy was one of them. She grew up in this pack and they love and respect her.
But you, my dear Sofia. You are a weak human, a weaker species. They will never treat you right, and you will never be the Luna.” It let out furiously, growling in anger as it let out those hurtful words to me. It took me a while to see that viewing the world with suspicion was hurting me more than it helped me. I’m a slightly more cautious person now, but I’m just as honest as I was before, and I still choose to see people as trustworthy, at least until I learn otherwise. I still won’t kill my family and friends no matter what I think of them. I may be more careful around them, I may never trust anyone ever again. But going on a killing spree is a No-No for me. If having been deceived keeps you distant from other people or worse yet if I let it provoke me to an extent that I am unable to stop the demon wolf from taking over, then it simply means that I have let the liar and deceivers to change who I am and how I live my life in this world. I would have let them steal what should matter to me the most. And I would have given those liars more power than they deserve.
“You would have to kill me before I can let you use me as a pawn. I am not a murderer and I never will be. I will never let you use me, I’m not killing for you.” I let out weakly as I tried to keep running, trying to put one leg in front of the other.
“You fool!
You still think that he is coming back here to get you, don’t you?
Well, my dear Sofia. Let me show you exactly what your mate is capable of, let me prove to you that you can never trust his words.” I responded mockingly. From the time of his voice, I could tell that it is mocking me. But I have no idea why it sounded so confident and sassy all of a sudden.
As I wondered about his words, as I tried to figure out exactly what he is talking about, my legs gave way and I found myself falling to the floor. And just as I landed on the floor, I had a mental image. No, not a mental image. It was like a movie being played in my head, and I know it will be my undoing…
I saw Damien and his sisters as they moved me into his private plane and brought me to a secluded island. Then I saw him instructing a doctor to make sure I stay sedated until he arrives. I saw his sisters looking so sad as they took care of my unconscious body. But Damien left me…
He left me with his sisters and his doctor. And guess what he did next?
He broke his promise to me and he hurt my family. I saw him torturing my family and I cried in as I saw my father and my mother in pain. My brother was beaten like a fucking criminal and he did all this in my house, right after he promised me that he would never hurt my family. He agreed to carry me along so we can handle this together, but he failed to keep to his words and he hurt my family.
This is unacceptable…
I am so fucking pissed…
I was seething in rage, yet I tried to remain calm because I know that this is the demon wolf at work. And just when I thought that I was beginning to control my anger. Then he went ahead and did the worst of them all…
Guess what he did this time…
He broke another promise that he made to me, and this time he went a little overboard because it hurt me like hell. It hurts like nothing I’ve ever felt before. He screwed that whore again, he fucked her right there in his room, I mean our room. He did not just screw the bitch, he kept telling her how much he loves her, and he told her that he had made a mistake when he chose me.
I could feel the fumes coming out of my ears… I fucking saw red as the rage took over. He lied to me… He used me… And he fucking hurt me. Demon wolf or not, I think I have held on for far too long. Someone needs to pay for everything I’ve been put through. I just can’t let this go, I won’t let it go. He deserves the worst punishment ever, he deserves to be killed in the most painful way ever.
“Let me in, Sofia…
I can give you everything you want. I can make them pay. You just need to stop fighting it, you need to let me in!” it yelled in my head, making me scream and thrash around like a fucking Lunatic.
“I can’t take it anymore!
Kill them all…
Kill them all…” I kept yelling furiously.