Keeping his bride

NicholasThis content provided by N(o)velDrama].[Org.

A FTER I TUCK a mentally and physically exhausted Lina into her bed, I leave her room and go outside. I need to get some fucking air. When the psychiatrist called me, telling me that she couldn’t get through to Lina and that I was probably the only person that could, my heart sank into my fucking stomach.

Not only was I worried for her and the mental state she was in, but I was also pretty sure that Lina wouldn’t come out of that state because of me. She’s been pushing me away ever since she arrived, and it’s been killing me slowly day by day.

Last night was a low point for both of us. She caught me in the shower. Fuck, I just couldn’t help myself. I had a moment of weakness, and she witnessed it. She even heard me calling out her name while I came. And when I saw her standing there in the doorway…it felt like my world was crashing down around me. I know I need to take things slow with her, and that was not fucking slow, by any means.

Sh ran out of my room like her ass was on fire, and she refused to open her door when I tried to confront her to talk about what had happened. And having Selina ignore me all of last night and this morning, when she refused to come to breakfast to eat with me, fucking tore me up inside.

But there’s no way I’m giving up on her. I refuse to give up. She’s my girl. She’s always been mine. The universe put us together not only once but twice for a reason. And I’m never letting her go again.

The fact that I got through to her just moments ago, when the psychiatrist couldn’t, gives me some semblance of hope. Selina and I share an unspeakable and unbreakable bond. I think deep down she knows that I would never harm her or let anyone else hurt her again.

I know that my old Lina is in there somewhere, waiting to be set free. And I want to be the one who gives her that freedom, no matter what it takes.

When I walk to the backyard of the compound, I see Benito in the outside gym, landing punches on a bag. When he looks up and sees me, he smiles. But as soon as he sees the look on my face, his smile drops off his face, and his expression grows very serious.

“What happened?” he asks when I get closer.

“Nothing,” I tell him. And then I immediately say, “Everything.”

“Fuck. Okay,” he says with a nod. “Let’s work it out,” he tells me.

Benito is the one who taught me how to channel my anger and feelings through working out. It’s almost like landing punches on an inanimate object helps me release what I’m trying to bottle up inside. Sure, painting and drawing helps with some of my anger, but sometimes it gets to the point where I feel like a volcano inside, waiting to erupt into a fit of rage…or worse. Without Benito, I probably would have just kept bottling everything up with no release, and the consequences of that wouldn’t have been pretty.

He tapes up my hands as I silently watch him. I feel so fucking drained and lost.

“Talk to me, Nico,” he says as he holds up a big mitt, which I strike with my right fist.

It feels good to hit something. I punch a few more times before I finally open up. “Just when I think I’m getting somewhere with Selina, something happens, and then I feel like we’re taking ten steps back.” Sighing, I land a weak punch with my left and then throw my hands up in

frustration. “I don’t know how to fix it. To move on.”

“Tell me what’s been happening so far.”

And so I do. I tell him about seeing her list, about taking her driving, about the movie night in my room. I leave out the part where she fucking caught me in the shower; too embarrassed to regale him with that particular tale. And then I tell him about a few hours ago when she was having a panic attack in the psychiatrist’s office.

“The doctor couldn’t get through to her?” he questions.

“Nope.”

“But you did.”

“Yep.”

“But. You. Did,” he says, punctuating every word. I stare at him, and he gives me a slow nod. “I know you want everything in the fast lane, but life doesn’t work like that, kiddo. You just gotta give her all the time she needs, no matter how long that takes.” He throws down the mitt and points a finger at me. “Let me ask you a question. If she disappeared from here tomorrow, would you wait another ten years for her?”

“I would wait a fucking lifetime,” I confess in a rush.

“Then there’s your answer. You can wait. You have it in you to wait. Your dick is just trying to tell your brain a different kind of story. Think with your head,” he says,

pointing up. “And not with your…other head,” he says, pointing lower.

I can’t help but chuckle at his logic and advice. “Thanks,” I huff.

“You’ll get there with her. I promise you that. Baby steps, Nico.”

“Baby steps,” I agree.

I stare up at the sky that’s beginning to darken. There’s a storm rolling in. But in the distance is a ray of sunshine beaming down to earth. I guess there’s always light to contradict the darkness in every situation.

Benito is right. Even if it doesn’t seem like I’m making progress with Selina, every day is a push forward towards the future, to a better place for us. I need to remind myself of that every time I think we’re taking a step back or anytime I feel frustrated. We’re still farther than we were the day before.

“Thanks, Benny,” I tell him as I clap him on the shoulder.

“Any time, kiddo. Any time.”