It Happened Last Year

As Daniel nears I adjust my sitting position as if he’s going to throw himself at me. He would crash down beside me and ask for a layer of sunscreen on his back-he would already feel a sunburn coming on. The sunscreen from Jana’s bag would be trapped in my fingers, and I would squeeze too much on then nervously try to hide it.

Instead of this, Daniel dips down into Taylor and Jordan’s bag before pulling out his phone. He scans over the screen before bringing the device to his ear, walking away from me and the lake. I watch for a few seconds as he disappears through the entrance, talking to whoever.

Mr. Russ tried to get something out of me before a knock came to the classroom door. He sighed and went to answer, slipped out of the room stealthily to talk to whoever. While he was gone, I wandered around his desk and picked up random things like a stapler or computer mouse, fumbling with them. I saw his phone lying face up beside the keyboard and decided to tap the home button. The screen lit up a text message from someone named Jessica. It read: I’ll be home late so I’ll pick up some takeout on my way. Chinese or Italian?

I stared at it until the door began to open, then I looked away, back at my teacher. This was before I knew he had a wife.

What if Daniel is talking to his girlfriend? What if she’s beautiful and free-spirited and able to give him everything? Will I be hurt? Disappointed?

I am not sure how to feel about it, but I didn’t think I would have to. Florida Hailey thought she would be alone for the rest of her life. I thought that my days of overreacting and crying from heartbreak were over, not that I ever did before. Harrison ruined that for me before I even had a shot.

Laying back down, I ignore the fact that Daniel might be talking to another girl. Who am I to care? It is not like we have a connection or anything. Plus, we’ve never had a proper conversation, not counting his plethora of questions at Watts’.

Even if he did like me somehow-in the extremely unlikely scenario-we couldn’t be together anyway, at least for a while. A relationship consists of things that I am not prepared to give, Daniel or not. That is just the way it is right now. I need to stop fantasizing about an imaginary relationship and overreacting at stupid phone calls because Daniel and I will never. . .

“Still not swimming?”

My inner rant comes to a halt and my neck cranks up. Laying flat on my stomach, I see Daniel standing right in front of me, blocking the sun and leaving me in a handsome shadow. He drops his phone into the beach bag, waiting for a response.

“Still not swimming,” I awkwardly confirm before sitting up. Surprisingly, Daniel takes a seat on the sand as well, sitting on Jana’s laid out towel beside mine. Not sure what to say, I ask, “Bored of the lake?”

“It’s nothing new,” he says.

I nod. “So you come here a lot then?”

“Yes, I come here often,” he says somewhat amused.

In over my head, I glance back at the water, watching Jana as she struggles to keep her hair dry. My heart has gained twenty pounds, and my hands feel clammy, sticky with nerves.

“You look uncomfortable,” he says.

“You observe people to closely.”

Daniel shrugs. “Yeah, I do.”

“And you assume things too soon. You shouldn’t,” I glance up at him.

“Is that right?”Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

Needing to scream, I hold it in and fight to keep it down. “You don’t know what people have done, and you can’t assume it. If you really want to know someone, you should just stop observing and ask.”

“Alright,” Daniel says, not looking away, “what have you done then, Hailey?”

With a sudden boost of confidence-a feeling my Floridian alter ego would get-I mutter, “Well, if I told you, then you’d be the uncomfortable one.”

Needing an escape route, before he can respond, I stand up and aim for Jana as I casually walk away. It is hard to act normal when I feel like running for the hills. Why did I say that? What does he think now? Why do I do this? Where do these feelings come from? There are too many questions, and I curse myself for causing them. It is like playing cat and mouse with myself.

Jana notices me and comes to shore. “I saw you chatting with Mr. Mystery. Tell me, did he finally confess his love? Or did you take the lead and do it first?”

“Worst,” I mumble, “he probably thinks I’ve killed someone.”

Jana’s face scrunches up. “How the hell did you manage to do that? What are you saying to him?”

“I just-I don’t know. When are we leaving? I have a dire need to hide in my room for the rest of this trip. I can’t face him ever again. All I do is embarrass myself. He probably has a girlfriend anyway, I mean he was just talking to her and I’m not sure why I’m acting like this in the first place and I just want to go home and transfer schools because coming back here was a bad idea and now I’m stuck unless I move to Canada somehow but that’s not-”

“Calm down, Christ. You sound like you’ve been caught with the murder weapon, stop making it obvious that you’re the killer,” Jana cuts me off. “Now take some deep breaths. It’s not your fault that you don’t know how to handle things like this.”

I nod and take in the damp air, placing my hands on my hips.

“Please help me get over him. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I don’t want to like him anymore.”