In Love With My Boyfriend’s Brother

I don’t wait for him to say another word and run to his mouth. I like that Simon doesn’t mind when I kiss him by surprise. I like that he kisses me as if he has been waiting for this for a long time because I am doing it the same way.

I stop for a moment, trying to breathe normally again, but he just stares at me confused and still breathing hard. I say: ”I’m sorry.” He questions: ”For what?” I get a little embarrassed, but answer: ” I think I’m just using you to keep my mind off another guy.” He surprises me when he says: ”I guess I don’t care.” We look at each other for a moment and then kiss again. His house is dimly lit and there is a fireplace in the corner, but I’m not worried about that right now. I am more concerned about getting his shirt off his body. He finally gets rid of his shirt and let’s just say I get a good view, actually a great view. I stare longingly at his abdomen. Tattoos? That has to be Karma. He has a drawing of a dragon that starts on his left shoulder, goes down the back of his arm, and ends on a part in front of his abdomen. It doesn’t end, you can’t see the end of the drawing because it’s a little below the waistband of his jeans. I wonder if he did this on purpose so that the girls will want to see where it ends and I have an idea where it is. He catches me staring longingly at that ending that is not the ending. I no longer have that crazy urge to grab him from seconds ago. I think he realizes this and says: ”It’s Yan, isn’t it?” He takes me by surprise when he says this. I look at him for a moment, a bit dull, and say: ”I think I’d better leave…” He doesn’t wait for me to finish and says: ”I saw you talking to Yan at his girlfriend’s birthday party.” Damn it, Yan. Even now, at a moment like this? I still look at him blankly. I’m in no mood for anything, but he says: ”I don’t want to know what happened.” He looks shy now and says: ”Just don’t go away… Will you stay with me?” I don’t say anything back, but he takes that as a yes and smiles satisfied saying: ”I’ll get us something to drink.” He heads for the kitchen. I keep looking at his back and there are more tattoos. I whimper. I think I’ve discovered a thing for tattoos too. Tattoos. Yan.

Yan. Tattoos. I run my hands over my eyes. I have to not think. But it’s hard. I hear him say from the kitchen: ”You can sit there and make yourself comfortable, I’ll be right there.” Simon returns with a bottle of wine and two glasses. This is no good. Alcohol. Sky. Sky. Alcohol. But I accept anyway and we have a few glasses. He sits down next to me and I want to take my eyes off the guy’s abdomen, but it’s kind of hypnotic trying to figure out how and where this tattoo ends. Things are already starting to spin slowly and I want to laugh at anything he says, so I think it’s time to stop. I am not drunk, but aerial enough to say: ”I need to see how and where your tattoo ends.” He laughs. But I’m still serious and curious. He just steps back a little, opens his arms, and says: ”Make yourself comfortable.” I am surprised and anxious at the same time. Shame is far from a part of me now, after these glasses of wine. I bite my lips with a smile. I watch him take a deep breath. I place my hands on the waistband of his pants and slowly pull them away from his body. I whimper. Because I can’t see. I look at him and he just raises his eyebrows. He says: ”Wow. You give up too quickly on things.” Hearing this I remember that I didn’t dare to go see Max. That is, I gave up on the guy I love for fear of hearing someone say that he hates me. I start to cry. Simon comes up to me and says: ”I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that I just …” He hugs me and I cry some more. He says after a while: ”Do you want to talk about it?” I just answer: ”No.” We stay like this for a while. I’m not crying anymore, but I still feel sad. He says next to my ear: ”Is there anything I can do for you?” I just answer: ”I just want to not think about anything.” He says: ”I think I have an idea how to do that.” He stands up and takes my hand. I get up too and we are walking down a hallway that leads to a door. I am already starting to think about this, whatever he is going to do. He opens the door and we are in his room. There is a huge bed on which he asks me to sit. He comes right over, looks at me seductively, gets close to my ear, and says: ”I think you’re going to love this.” I even get a shiver. He moves his lips even closer to my ear and says: ”Netflix!” I end up laughing a lot when I hear this. He seems to be amused to see me laughing like this. He sits down next to me picks up a remote turns on the TV, then tells me: ”Choose a movie.”

I question: ”Me?”

He confirms: ”Yep. You are the depressed one here.” I like that he treats the situation I am in like this, in a light and funny way. He laughs and I end up laughing too. ”Okay. An action movie. I’m not good with names so you can pick the movie since I picked the genre.” He looks satisfied and puts in some movie that I have no idea what it is saying that it is very good. He lays down further upon his bed where there are a bunch of pillows and asks me to come to stay there too because it will be more comfortable. The movie starts and I just want to understand how I ended up in the bed of a guy I barely know, to watch a movie that I don’t even understand much. Oh yes, I looked for it, I came after it. The problem is that I am not sorry. He is the best company I have had these last few days. He says after a while: ”You are looking at me and not at the movie.”Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

I say at the same moment: ”You have no shirt on!”

He looks at me pretending to be surprised when he asks: ”Do you think I’m that sexy?” I don’t answer and go back to looking at the movie. I roll over on the bed. He looks at me and I ignore him. He walks over to me and makes me lose focus on whatever it is I’m trying to concentrate on so I don’t remember I’m near him and his hot body and says: ”Are you not enjoying the movie?” I cross my arms and say: ”No.” He smiles mischievously saying: ”So what do you want?” He knows what I want. But he continues: ”Because we already had the physical contact you came looking for when we kissed earlier.” I stare at him for a while. He smiles, I don’t. He looks at my mouth and then says: ”Do you have any idea how much I want to fuck you?” My body almost screams at this. I instantly get goosebumps and right between my legs… It hurts. I swallow hard.