Chapter 24
I open the door.
I look back. He is still looking at me, but as soon as I look directly into his eyes, he turns and goes to sit on the bed with his back to me.
I wish I could go back in time now and erase everything wrong I’ve done, but unfortunately, I can’t do that.
As I close the door to his room, I stand with my back to the door for a few seconds, and with my eyes closed, I take a deep breath and realize that this is happening. I am losing everything, my life is in chaos and it is all my fault.
I take another deep breath and head for the exit. Megan is still in the kitchen and looks at me, but says nothing. And I wonder why she is here? Did Matt call her?
Before I open the door, I glance again at his bedroom door, hoping that he will come after me, but I realize that it would be stupid of me to imagine. It’s not going to happen.
I open the door and just as I am about to leave, I see Megan heading in the direction of his room.
…
I call a cab to go to my apartment and get the hell out of here because I just want to go upstairs again and try to convince Matt one more time to forgive me, but I know I have to give him a break now and hope he wants to talk to me one more time.
On the way back home, I wouldn’t know how to describe what I am feeling, it is a mixture of sadness with hate, and the hate I know exactly who I am feeling for.
Besides the fact that I cried almost the whole way and tried to disguise it when the taxi driver looked at me through the mirror when I get home I collapse and it happens as soon as I close the door behind me.
”It was all so good, everything was so perfect and… Now…”
As I say this out loud to myself, I cry even more, because I realize that there is no turning back now.
I know that I deserve this, I deserve to cry every tear that I am crying because it is all my fault.
I don’t know what I was thinking when I didn’t think about the possibilities of when Matt finds out about this. I guess I never really thought about how it would hurt him. Now I know and it was far worse than anything I had ever imagined in this life. I hurt in the worst way the person who did nothing but the best for my life.
I take a glass of water to try to calm myself and think about what to do.
But I always knew what to do from the time Matt told me that “he couldn’t have made all that up”.
I don’t have his number, but I have Kyle’s. So I do what I have to do:
”Hey Kyle, can you tell me where I can find Yan?”
As soon as Kylie told me that Yan was at the skate park, I rushed over. He also told me that Matt and Yan had a fight earlier today and that he brought his stuff into a room here.
Max is a little freaked out to see me, well, who wouldn’t be? I look terrible, my eyes are red and puffy, my hair I have no idea what it looks like, and the sleeves of my shirt are all wet because I don’t care much about that at the moment.
Max and I are not the best friends in the world and that’s pretty obvious now with this awkward silence while I wait for him to tell me where Yan is.
He just says as soon as I ask:
”He’s in a back room over there.”
He points me in the direction and I follow him there.
God, I want to finish that guy off right now. I feel like if I tell him everything I want, it will somehow make me more relieved to get rid of him once and for all and try to win Matt back.Please check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.
Matt…
Thinking about him and how he’s feeling only makes me hate myself even more and my hate reminds me that I’m like this because of Yan. It’s all his fault.
I want to start crying again, but I take a deep breath. I can’t burst into tears right now, I just have to understand why he did it first.
I have everything ready in my mind, I want to ask him why he destroyed my life this way and what he might have gained from it all.
I stare for a while at the door at the end of the hall.
I want to take him by surprise, I don’t want him to have the time to invent anything to try to convince me that he doesn’t even have a heart, because now I am sure that he doesn’t. Then I walk to the door at the end of the hall.
So I walk to the door at the end of the hall and open it without knocking. I am ready to ask him what the fuck he just did:
”Yan, I just want… Shit!”
Yan is standing in the middle of the room without any clothes on.
I swallow hard.
He is standing in the middle of the room, finishing wiping his face with a towel.
He just looks at me surprised. I don’t think he expected me here.
My eyes go down slowly. I stop breathing for a moment.
Damn it, this didn’t start the way I expected.
I turn instinctively to the door.
”Sky? What are you doing here?”
I bite my lips. I’m still red and not sure why, at least he can’t see this now. I take a deep breath because I’m always doing that when I’m around him.
”We need to talk.”
”Okay, but…”
I interrupt:
”Can you get dressed first?”
There’s silence for a moment, then he says:
”Okay.”
A while later I question:
”Ready?”
I hear him take a deep breath and say:
”Ready.”
I turn around. I stare at him for a while. I look right at the part where it’s not covered. And I say:
”Can you put a shirt on too?”
He frowns.
I complete:
”Please.”
He takes a deep breath and grabs a shirt from the bed.
Why the hell haven’t I started saying everything I want to say yet?
I don’t know.
He comes toward me and asks:
”How did you find me here?”
I pluck up courage:
”Why did you do it? Why did you end my life?”
He stops, especially when he sees my tears start to fall.
”What’s it like?”
“Yep.”
I go up to him, pointing my finger:
”Why did you have to ruin everything? Matt hates me now!”
He doesn’t say anything, just looks at me scared. My hatred only increases. I start pushing him away with my hands and punching him in his arms and chest.
Tears come streaming down my face and I throw even harder punches, which I know don’t do much damage to his body. He just tells me amidst my screams:
”Sky, Sky… Stop please, calm down!”
But I don’t want to calm down.
”How could you do this?”
I cry even more. But he holds me tight in a hug that makes me cry even harder, as I feel my strength drain away.