Bullied

? I said I’m okay but,

I guess I’m a liar ?

FAKING IT – CALVIN HARRIS FT KEHLANI $ LIL YACHTY

I woke on a Monday morning feeling quite tired, And in my usual mood.

Hurt.

In between my legs hurt and I did not need anyone telling me the reason why.

So for today, I have a constant reminder of how much worth my life is to people.

Which is of course, worthless.

My alarm clock went beeping bringing me out of my semi trance, checking the time, I was thirty minutes later than my usual time.

Now that’s a first.

Who cared if I got to school late? The rate at which I’m going, I would be dead much sooner than later.

Dragging myself off the bed with my face scrunched up like it’s gonna make the pain down there disappear.

I stagger to the bathroom with a promise to burn my skin.

And that’s a promise i fulfilled.

Coming out of the steaming bathroom with a towel on me, I started dressing only to catch a view of my little company for the past nights.

Whose idea was it to get me this bear anyway?

possibly mum.

I shrugged the thought away and forged ahead with my dressing, taking my time since I was already late.

“Iris? you in there?”

speaking of the devil.

“wake up honey, you’ll be late for school” came her voice once again.

ha, so someone did care if I got to school late.

Well you can’t really waste her money on fees though.

true.

Seconds of silence and she sighed

“I know you’re awake… I can hear your movement through this door you know” sounding exasperated.

well good, that was my intention.

” Iris are you okay? ”

Was she asking me that? cause I’m sure she knows I am not going to reply.

“please speak to me”

so we’re begging now? believe me mum, it gets you no where.

“your….” she trailed off as if re- thinking her words

” uhmm… that guy you know came here on Friday night asking if you were home, he was with a red hair. do you know why they seemed bothered?”

silence.

“did you hear me?”

yep, loud and clear.

I was almost done with my dressing by now. All that’s left is my hair.

Going to the mirror to fix my hair, I saw the stitch just beneath my hairline, I ran a finger over the tiny long bump before having the chance to stare at my face.

I look like a shell.

A lonely, empty shell.

That’s what I have become.

My pale skin color is back and I’m back to being a shadow.

Letting my hair to cascade down my face to cover the scar I picked up my bag and snatched up my phone.

It had been on silent since Friday and I hadn’t cared to open it. Though I did change it’s position and placed it to charge.

thirty seven missed calls.

Opening the list of names who bothered dialling my number and the names didn’t surprise me.

Megan.

Clement.

Meredith.

Dad.

Mum.

Where were they when I was being-

I can’t even say it.

“Are you planning on going to school today? are you sick?” mum’s voice called through the door. Now that surprised me.

she was still here all this while?

that was some long silence.

It’s not like I planned answering her anyway.

” Your dad and I were really worried that night after your friends came asking for you. We had to call your line but you didn’t pick ”

So she recognizes them as friends… cute.

“we came to your doorstep and met it locked, which only frightened us the more, till we heard your little snores so we assured them”

hmm… that was creepy.

“Iris you’ve been in that room for two whole days. at least come breathe some fresh air”

I have a window, thank you very much. Plus I’ve been out of my room twice to feed. you wouldn’t know cause you’ve never been around.

“Are you honestly not going to say anything?”

you of all people should know the answer to that.

Few adjustments were made and I headed for my door.

“for heavens sake Iris, say something to me. Anything”

oh… she wants something? she’ll get it.

I opened the door, coming face to face with my mom… and Dad.

And here I am thinking I was holding the belt to silence awards, my dad had just effortlessly beat me to it.

My mom opens her mouth to speak but I raise a hand to shut her.

she demanded for a word, and I’ll give it to her.

“you asked me to say something right? well here it goes. When I say I’m okay, I’m okay and I don’t want you anywhere near me. Stop trying to act like my mom when you’re not. You practically do not care about me. Stop butting into my business, stop standing by my door to initiate a conversation, stop asking me questions you know I’ll never answer, stop-” I was halted midway by my dad calling my name.

“Iris, that is no way to talk to your mother” pointing his index finger at me.

“The same goes for you… dad”

I was done here.

Leaving my mom with her mouth bobbing like a fish out of water, I started walking away.

“Come back here this instant” my dad barked at me.

” Tell that to someone who cares enough to listen” and with that, I was out of the house.

””””””””””””””

I chose a car ride to school, not because I wanted to make it on time. Believe me when I say I really don’t care how late I am. But I’m in my car because I already felt uncomfortable sitting, hence I was in no mood for my bicycle.

After locating a parking spot, I walked into the large building with my head sagging so low, one could practically see my neck.

Luckily for me, Meredith was no where to be found. Taking my necessities from my locker and closing it shut, an announcement blared through the speakers; Demanding all students be gathered in the homeroom for a few words from the Principal.

Clutching my books tightly to my chest I made my way to the almost full classroom.

The Principal was already on the podium giving out a few messages.

” Our school’s football team was nominated for a national championship game ” that earned a round of applause from everyone in the room.

everyone except me that is.

After much hoots and cheers, our football captain and my worst nightmare signalled for our schools signature call.

“When the moon is out, we the wolves-” He shouts so loud and puts his palm behind his ear waiting for the response to the call.

And he got it, because every soul in this room howled like a wolf in response.

every soul except mine though.

Hunter received high fives or pats on the back with others calling him Alpha, as he is the head of our football team. The Wolves.

I could do nothing but stare at the person who took my innocence without a second thought on Friday night. The one who tore me apart piece by piece till I was finally broken.

I watched him with a stone in my heart, smiling like he has no care in the world.

He was living a happy life, while I was broken.

I couldn’t remove my gaze from him. Well, not until his eyes met my own. And he held them for a few seconds.

After which, his smile turned to a smirk. A full indication that he remembers fully well what happened that night.

He remembers and doesn’t regret it.

We eventually unlock our gazes and I focus back on the announcement.

” So our football team would be gone for two months as a result of the games, I want you to wish them all the luck they can get. Thank you ” With that he gets off the podium and leaves the hall. The rest of the students cheering the football team on their recognition.

I on the other hand, found the same enclosed space with Hunter suffocating.

About to leave the exit, someone pulls me to a stop.

“Hey, I’ve been trying to reach out to you since Saturday, where did you run off to?”

I looked at the red head like she had grown a third eye. An awkward moment passes between us and she gives the conversation another try.

“Dylan, errr- Clement is on the football team, wouldn’t you want to wish him luck? he’d be expecting you.”

I didn’t grace that statement with an answer. And she took it as a leverage to know something’s wrong.

“Iris? are- are you alright?”

I laughed inwardly at how stupid the question seemed, but didn’t let it show.

The bruised on my face and nose isn’t already an answer to that question?

“I’m fine” was my curt reply and I left her standing there.

∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆

Today was my afternoon shift at Tucker’s, and I was really grateful for something to clear up my mind.

Avoiding Meredith at school was harder than it seemed in my head. Every where you turned, you’ll see her with her puppy eyes begging for a talk.

And that was what I did not want.

Recording and calculating the money in the counter when the table bell was chimed.

“Good afternoon and welcome to Tucker’s, how may I help you?” my head still down, trying not to forget the figures in my head.

“I need a full plate of Iris”

And I looked up, to meet those green eyes that pleaded with me to trust them.

Isn’t he supposed to be somewhere in Chicago?

” I thought you guys had gone ” I asked with a little voice.

” We were already moving, but made a quick stop to grab lunch nearby, so I decided to check up on you. Lucky for me you’re here” he looked deep into my orbs like he could read my emotions and his brows narrowed.

“Well as you can see, I’m fine” the response was quick and I went back to counting my money.

“Iris, are we back to pushing me out again?” I don’t have to see his face to know he’s hurt, I could detect it from his voice.

“I said I’m fine”

“you don’t look like it”

“that’s none of your business”

“Iris, you look like a ghost”

“I SAID I’M FINE, LEAVE ME ALONE”

Silence.

That’s all I can hear between us.

He raised his hands up in surrender, with a sad expression on his face.

“Sorry for ever disturbing you” that came out breathy from him.

“thank you” I answered while taking view at the floor to my feet.

” Just do me one last favor before I leave you”

Now I could look at him, wondering what I can possibly do for him.

After getting my attention, he began to speak.

” Wish me luck in my game. I’ll need it”

I was confused.

I just told this guy to get out of my life and he begs for my luck as his last wish?

Why does he have to make things so different?

“Good luck” it’s barely a whisper, but he can hear me.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

“Thank you” he says with a nod, then turns around and begins to walk away.

To walk out of my life.

And all I can do is watch him.

That’s what I wanted isn’t it?

I’m okay, I’m okay.

That’s what I keep telling myself, hoping it will be true.

well I guess I’m a liar.