Big Bad Alphas

Chapter 35

"Is it weird not having mom here?"

"It was weird without you at home," Kendra tells me as she gets comfortable underneath the

blankets. "I want to be here with you, Isabella."

"You are here with me."

The lights in the guest room are dim. I sit beside Kendra, looking down at her beautiful face as she

fights to keep her eyes open. I shut all the curtains and made sure everything is perfect for her to sleep

soundly, which included closing the bathroom door. Now that everything is settled, she yawns. "I know.

But I want to stay here forever, with you."

"Don't be silly," I mumble and brush back the dark, stray hairs from her face. "I'll be just a door away,

okay?"

She nods.

I turn off the remaining light and leave the door cracked open. Today we walked around the pack with

Caroline—luckily, there was no tree climbing—and Kendra took a liking to her. Caroline is enjoying

having a little girl in the house, placing her in the role of the younger sister, the one she never had.

I let go of the guest room door handle and glance to my bedroom doors. I swallow. Part of me wants

to run downstairs and sleep on the couch, but the other needs to get past this bump in the road. I

inhale, then exhale, then reluctantly push one of the doors open. The main light is off, and the room is

lit warmly by the bathroom light as it trickles through the almost closed door. Expecting Eric to be in

there, my muscles relax, but when I turn to the bed, I spot him sitting on the edge with his head in his

hands.

My heart starts up its rapid pace again, the one I just calmed in the hall. His eyes peer up to me, and

the guilty feeling seeps through my skin. I want to say something, but I am not sure what. Eric looks Còntens bel0ngs to Nô(v)elDr/a/ma.Org

away and I want to fall to the floor.

My lips part, ready for words. "What I said," I pause, "I just... I didn't want to hurt you, but I ended up

hurting you anyways—worse than it would have been." His eyes continue to avoid me. "Eric—just tell

me what you want me to say and I'll say it because you're not listening to what I'm saying. What do you

what to hear? That I wanted it? Do you truly believe that I did?"

"Please, Isabella," he mutters, almost asking me to shut it as if I'm giving him a headache.

"What do you want me to say? I've told you that he kissed me, that I made a mistake, that I didn't ask

for it. I want to tell you why I didn't say anything, I really do, but I can't."

"What can't you?"

All I want is for him to look at me, to see me, to see that I'm trying. "Because I don't know why. I had

reasons, that I didn't want to hurt you, that I didn't want Lucas' search to be put off, but none of them

seem to make sense when I think hard enough. I just—I wanted to pretend like it never happened."

Eric's eyes continue to avoid mine, and I can't take it. "Will you at least look at me when I'm talking to

you?"

Eric stands up, turns, and walks towards me, something I did not expect. I watch him with a racing

heart until he comes to a stop, right in front of me. "Better?"

"I tried to hurt you earlier, and I'm sorry. It was uncalled for. You didn't believe me and that hurt." His

intimidating stature towers over me, making me feel small and weak. "I hurt you, you hurt me, why can't

we both apologize and have this be over?"

"Because I did not kiss anyone that isn't you."

Shaky breaths leave me as I try and grasp onto my anger, as I try to hold it down. "What do you want

me to say?" I ask calmly, but it does not last. "I've told you over and over again. He kissed me. Alpha

Kenn kissed me. I didn't want it. I didn't ask for it! You're being a child! Just listen to—"

"Enough, Isabella," he cuts me off and makes the move to walk away, but I grasp onto him.

"No, you're not listening to me, you're not hearing what I'm saying. Alpha Kenn's kissed me, I didn't

kiss him. He kissed—"

"Stop saying it," Eric shouts and encloses me against the wall. My chest rapidly rises and falls as he

cages me in. "I can't hear it anymore. I can't stand the thought of you with someone else—and you will

not stop. The thought of you kissing Alpha Kenn makes me go mad, it makes me want to bring an end

to the world," he loudly says with clench fists pressed against the wall, ready to bust through. "I can't

live without you, Isabella. Don't you understand that? Don't you understand that without you life is no

longer worth living?"

It is a painful feeling, love. It brings tears to my eyes and makes my stomach clench with fear.

Eric's hand unfolds and rests against my cheek, wiping the stray, hot tears from my skin. "Don't you

understand?" He says again, softly this time. "You mean everything to me, Isabella. I would do anything

for you. I would give anything for you. I will kill anything to protect you. You are my life."

Then, the gentle knock at the door causes my knees to give in. "Isabella?" Kendra's sweet voice calls

for me. My head rolls to the door as tears leak from my eyes. "Isabella?"

I shake my head and cover my face. "Not now," the words so quiet, Eric barely hears them.

He leaves the room.

Drifting to the bed, I slowly sit down and uncover my face, clearing the tears from it with my hands.

Time ceases to exist, then I hear the door open again. Eric walks through and softly closes the door

behind him. "I brought her back to bed," he tells me. "She heard the shouting—"

"I love you too, Eric."

My eyes find his. "Eric, I love you."

"Say it again."

"I love you."

He nears me. "Again."

"I love you so much it hurts," I tell him, my voice strained.

"Now never stop, please," he breathes out and pulls me into his embrace. "Never stop."

"I can't live without you either, I can hardly breathe without you," I whisper against him, not feeling close

enough. "I hate being away from you. I hate upsetting you. I don't want anyone else but you, you're all I

want, all I need. It will only ever be you. I want you to mark me."

Eric gazes down at me, into my eyes. "You're sure?"

"Yes, yes I'm sure. I want you to mark me and then make love to me," I bite my lip just thinking about it.

Our bond will be stronger than ever, we will be closer than ever, and nothing else will matter except our

love for each other. It sounds like a dream. Like a thick fog being cast over all our problems, and then

we will no longer see them, our eyes will singly fall upon each other.

I need to be with him forever. The idea helps my lungs take in air, helps my legs hold me up, helps

my eyes see clearly, the idea organizes my bustling thoughts. A life with Eric, my Mate, my love, my

life, nothing sounds more promising and wonderful. I am high on the idea of it, seeing the future and

forgetting the past.

"Please, Eric," I murmur. "Mark me."