An Italian’s Escort Lover

Flashback Continues…

Phoebe Point of View

Every minute is a new life, every such life has a new meaning to it,

When you lose such meaning, then every minute of your life is nothing but a cruel death.

What is the meaning of my life?

Was it to be a good daughter who pays of her parents debts?

If yes, then the debts are already cleared, then why am I not happy?

Was it to be a woman who sold her body?

Then, shouldn’t I be feeling depressed for going down to such level? But why am I not depressed about my body anymore but miserable due to lose of the man who was suppose to own it?

If any of them are not making my life meaningful then what will?

Tears has been a comfortable enemy to me, smile has been a cruel friend. Days passed by turning into months and months leaped to years but the new life I should be experiencing every minute has been giving me nothing but a hellish death.

How a living person can experience death every moment?

You feel like taking breath has no sense because it only causes burn in your chest. You feel as if there is nothing sweeter than pain. You feel as though your tears are enough to wash out a desert but even they betray you after a while.

You will be full of contradiction, simply put.

Like how I am feeling right now, exactly. Was it a very grave mistake that he did not even come and see me again? Is he so angry at me to not even give me a chance to apologize?

One year three months and sixteen days…

It has been one whole year and three and half months that Niccolo left me in his office after my confession about paying him back. I understood and I want to slap myself for hurting his feelings but am I that bad that he left me without turning back?

There was no news nor any calls from him. I did not see him all these months and it was a new death to me every single moment. I don’t think, hell would be anymore cruel place than what I am in.

I miss him.

I miss so much that it is hurting.

I miss him more than anything that I feeling like dying.

I wish I could see him just once, just once for a minute to apologize for my inconsiderate behavior. If I have to kneel down in the middle of the crowded road and beg him for mercy, then I would be happily doing it if I could get Niccolo back.

That was when I understood, how he did become the reason for my existence? I did not even cry more than a few drops when my parents were dead but he has just been a friend to me for few years then how did he become so important to me to the extent of making me worthless if I am not beside him.

It is as if my whole subsistence has a hallmark of his name.

I miss him so much to the extent of feeling the pain of thousand arrows piercing my heart.

“You should eat more.” Rick, the new supervisor spoke to me in his indifference tone he always uses.

The Lady supervisor who was cruel to me was no more working in the house and was replaced by this tough looking guy who proved to be much kinder than the cruel lady.

Rick started working as an in-charge from a month after I and Niccolo last talked. He somehow knows my situation and kept on trying to take care of me but in a little harsher way.

“I’m not hungry, Rick” I replied in my usual weak tone. He narrowed his eyes at me but did not respond back anything for few minutes.

“You will kill yourself if you continue to be this way.” His words were harsh but unlike his mouth, his eyes held a timber of warmth in them. “You got bony.” He mumbled and sat beside me.

I am dying every second from the past fifteen months and I don’t think the real death would make it more painful than it is now.

I gave him a sad smile and continued chewing on the vegetable salad that tasted nothing but ash in my mouth. He narrowed his eyes at me in a scolding way but did not comment anything.

Rick has been taking good care of me from the past months despite of the rash tone he uses on me and everyone. I wonder how a person can say something from mouth but mean completely different through eyes and actions at the same time.

Just like Niccolo…

He used to talk softly to me but still he eyes would discipline me when needed. He didn’t like when I speak of other escorts from the house. He used to tell me that the only person he wants to know about is me and me alone.

He used to listen to me when I would be grumbling about anything and everything and did not even sigh in agitation even once. When we go out, he used hold my hand ever so softly and pull me with him like a boyfriend would.

I smiled going through the memory lane of the happy moments I had with my Niccolo and immediately tears rolled down my cheeks just thinking about him.

Why did he leave me?

Am I that bad that he does not even want to see me once?

Is he not missing me?

He is not suffocated like I am?Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

Is he not feeling the pain that I am undergoing right now?

Am I nothing to him?

“Molly is going out along with the guards to purchase some of her necessities. I told her you would accompany her.” Rick said.

“I don’t want to go anywhere, Rick. I just want to stay in my room.” I responded drawing ugly pattern on my food plate with my spoon.

Going out, back into the light is not something I want to do right now. I just want to find some solace in the midst of the dark walls of my room. That way, no one can read my distressing face, no one can see my tears, and no one can sense my heartbreak.

Darkness sure has great comfort in its arms.

“You should. Just go and walk yourself through fresh air. This is an order by the way.” Rick grumbled and walked out from the room. Not long after, Molly walked into my room holding a purse and a small list of things she had to buy.

She asked me if I have anything to buy for myself but I don’t think I can ever buy what I want with money. I just shook my head shortly and followed her where two guards are waiting for us.

We followed suit the guards towards the vehicle that the house provided us. We reached a small shopping mall in few minutes where there are many products which are being sold on a very high discount.

Molly dragged me through the lanes of crowded mall to the cosmetics store which is giving sixty percent of discount on its products. She squealed happily and ran inside the store collecting all that she wanted in a small basket.

I don’t have any interest in buying anything so I stood outside the store looking around the mall seeing people smiling and laughing happily along with their friends and family.

Family…

I heaved heavily and leaned on to the wall nearby as I have no energy in supporting my body on my legs. I have been out of my room after several months and the change just showed me how weak I got physically.

I squinted my eyes at the bright sunlight that was gushing through the large windows and caught the nearby trolley tightly feeling dizzy.

I had to blink several times to get hold of myself. My hands kept on shaking and my body was trembling as if it would collapse anytime soon.

I almost felt happy at the thought of fainting down and not opening my eyes ever again. I was happy to finally end this misery until…

Until… my blurred eyes cleared a little and focused on the figure standing away from me but looking intensely at me. Gathering enough energy, I rubbed my eyes with shaking hands and stood straight, taking help from the wall.

But when I looked at the person clearly, I didn’t know if it was what emotion I felt the most because the bizarre of emotions crashed inside making me stumble with its force.

Not it can’t be…

He can’t be here…

I am just dreaming, he is not really here; can’t be here in person.

My cleared vision once again blurred with tears and lost its focus finally pulling me into the oblivious shades of darkness that I was waiting for.

“Nicco-lo…” I whispered before all my senses seized but not forgetting to smile a little at the dream before falling down on the cold hard concrete tiles.

I can happily die now…

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